Rapture day TODAY! 6PM (local). THIS IS NOT A DRILL!

So get praying you worthless heathens who may have lapsed in your faith.
Some of you however shouldn't bother as you have no souls (Gays, Muslims, Jews etc). There are some simple things those of us who have been chosen must do before lift off. Remember be humble with your interactions with those who will not be joining us.

1. If your significant other is Gay, Muslim etc. then they won't be joining you. It would be appropriate to leave them to care for your cat. It's something that should be handled with a little tact.

2. If you ever had the wish to drive a Porsche, Ferrari etc. now it would be a good time to take that test drive. If you already own a good car now would be a good time to top off the fluids. You know your neighbor (suspected Democrat) will not take care of it. Just look at his lawn!

3. It's not too late to call your boss and tell him what an asshole he is. It wouldn't be appropriate to rub his nose in the fact that he will not be raptured. Remember be humble and offer to pray for him.

4. It is OK to play practical jokes however. So make sure you order Pizza for everyone you feel will be raptured. Imagine the look on the Pizza shops owner when he figures out all his deliveries are to the raptured. Other harmless practical jokes are OK too and I am sure Jesus would encourage them. My personal favorite is to order "Out" magazine to be delivered to co-workers at work in clear plastic. If you order a 6 month subscription that should be good until Judgement day when they will be thrown into the fiery pits of hell.

5. You should probably take out a lot of Puts on all communication and airline companies. Obviously the banking sector (being run by mostly Jews, Lizard people and their servant the Vatican) will not suffer any disruptions.


Warren James said...

In local news Jesus is actually in Kingaroy (Queensland) and he says the end of the world is next year so Camping must be wrong :)

Possible the Mayan shift of consciousness is mankind coming to terms with the collective doomsday predictions not eventuating - kind of like a massive egg on face.

I notice that the Comet Elinin is supposed to do is final pass on the 21st Dec 2012 - that's a nice touch too ...

Louis Cypher said...

Well someone screwed up. However, Jesus skypes me all the time and said 6PM so I am going on that.

Anonymous said...

Haha, I wish these Crapture retards would've been "beamed up"... Good riddance.. and that's all I'm gonna say about that. Religion for the weak. Sadly, there will just be another batch of them to lead some of the people astray.

Sell your house
Quit your job
Find someone(unholy)to take the dog!

Heavy Lord