Reuters news:
President Robert Mugabe was honored today with the Nobel
prize for Economics shortly after the news that the EU had suspended sanctions
against Zimbabwe. The EU lifted most sanctions after 33 years because of the March
16th vote In Zimbabwe where a new constitution was voted on by 95% of Zimbabwe.
Fed head Ben Bernanke gushed, "This is fantastic news and it's obviously long overdue". Mr. Bernanke was dressed elegantly in a little black off the shoulder number designed our own Jeanne d'Arc. The Fed head has been a long time student of Mugabes theories and it's often thought within the inner circles of academia it was Mugabe who actually penned Bernanke's famous theory on helicopter money drops.
Shortly after the constitutional reform Mugabe's Prime Minister Tsvangirai paid a visit to the White House and after the photo op they held a quiet meeting to discuss the EU situation and Cyprus specifically.
White house spokesman, Trigger Wooden, announced at a press conference yesterday "Mr. Mugabe's theories were tried and true and we suggested strongly to the EU leaders this would be the way forward for Cyprus". Trig added, "Obviously Cyprus doesn't have as much land as they used to have since we engineered the invasion by the Turks so we can't redistribute the land equity. Therefore we will have to use the banks as a proxy".
Mr. Mugabe was unavailable for comment as he was meeting
with the EU Finance Ministers but did release a short statement which hinted at
broader reforms throughout Europe. He specifically mentioned the US and with an
apparent nod to his student and colleague Mr. Bernanke he said "the
student is now the master" We don't know what that means here at Screwtape
University so we assume it's some sort of special coded message that Economists use. The Urban dictionary refers to it as "Fed Speak" or "bollocks".
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