Not the Onion news I swear

I read a lot. Probably too much of the doom and gloom stuff if I am honest.
I was browsing the "Irish Times" and it is a wealth of comedy this evening.

The first headline that caught my eye was this "Irish Bank Officials called in to advise Greeks on Crisis" maybe it should read "Pigs in search of lipstick" 
If you are a Pig in search of lipstick then the guys to call are Blackrock and they will only charge you 30 Million Euros.
"Bank of Ireland and AIB both passed the EU tests the previous year, but the results were undermined when the Government was forced to seek bailout loans from the EU and IMF four months later.The subsequent Irish stress tests of the banks in March 2011 were not carried out exclusively by Central Bank officials, however. As part of their scrutiny, they called in consultants, including US asset manager BlackRock Solutions, to assess losses on the loan books of the Irish banks.BlackRock has since been recruited by the Greek central bank to evaluate the country's banks, which would be among the losers in a default by Greece. The Central Bank spent €30 million on external consultants to verify the tests on Bank of Ireland, AIB, EBS building society and Irish Life and Permanent. The results of the tests raised the cost of bailing out the banks by €24 billion to €70 billion. About €64 billion is being injected by the State."

Next up is some entertainment from the Italians Italian PM is a Pimp Daddy. Words fail me you just have to read it.

Next up is a real doozy. I just hope Obama or his advisers don't read the Irish Times. NAMA (bad loan receiver and all round catch all for bad property and worse paper) "The agency wants to introduce a scheme where it would waive 20 per cent of the purchase price of a home on its books if values were to fall further over the next five years." For feck sake. Of course they are going to fall further because no one in their right mind is buying property in Ireland these days. They are desperately trying to unload but can't do a short sale. If they default they may even face debtor prison. Yes, as in Charles Dickens novels, debtor prison.
Of course the only people who will be allowed to buy these properties are the same frigging idiots who unloaded them onto NAMA in the first place.




Now onto the surreal. Paedophile supporter runs for President. Yes, David Norris, Presidential nominee, dates a man who is a child rapist. He supports the view that all boys need mentors and sees no problem with old men raping young boys as he read somewhere the Greeks did it. I'll say no more other than Ireland needs to bombed back the stone age if this animal is voted in. I haven't looked at all the candidates but at last count there are seven. This includes Euro Song contestant "Dana" and Martin Macguiness who was and might still be a high ranking member of the IRA. I am sure there must be a pig farmer in the line up as well but I haven't verified.




I saved the best for last. Govt wants to No more Cadillacs for welfare recipients and Welfare recipients seek more money. 
The first link is a doozy "The department’s comments followed the release of figures by a Labour Party Senator which suggested one unemployed married couple with four children were receiving over €1,700 a week in payments – more than €90,000 a year under various schemes.This is more than twice the average industrial wage."

The second is even better. Some Wanker Banker of a failed and now nationalized bank wants to remove the €500,000 pay cap so that they can attract talent? The same sort of talent that put the bank under or is this special talent that they haven't seen before?

Ireland doesn't have a statue of Liberty but if it did it might read; "Give us your poor, your tired, your Paedophiles, your Wankers longing for a free ride"