Putin signs off on Cyprus on condition he can pose for Playgirl

The back chatter on the diplomatic channels has it that Russia's Premier has bowed to inevitable pressure and the loss of Russian money to Cyprus, which will be used to backstop the Greek banks and government again. Although publically he will continue to rail against the theft of funds from his countrymen, Merkel has pulled some strings and obtained for him top billing for April's edition of Playgirl. Putin is pushing for a further concession involving posing with Chuck Norris and said, "Not in a gay way. I want to do a cowboy type theme along the lines of a Fist Full of Dollars or Brokeback Mountain"

In addition to the Playgirl spread, Russia will control the Cyprus ports within the year.

In other news Finance ministers and other leaders are assuring their respective flocks electorate that Cyprus was a once off and would not happen here. Irish Finance minister, Noonan: "The EU’s guarantee on deposits under €100,000 was “absolutely sacrosanct”". He added "and you can take that to the bank".